Isn't it amazing when you really, actually, meet someone you've already known for a long time. What I mean is, you knew them, yes, but you didn't really know them, you never saw their inner soul or showed them yours. It's so good when it happens, but then it's also sad because of the time lost where that connection didn't happen earlier. I guess you just have to remember that everything that's supposed to happen, happens in it's own time; God's timing is always perfect.
I met just such a bright light a little over a year ago. I had known her for probably 7 years, I had her son in my class even, but we just had a regular acquaintance-type relationship. I ran into her out of our normal setting and that magical, guards down, soul baring experience was able to occur between us and I saw her in a different light and I saw her shining with God's light; although I know now that God had His hand in the whole event.
It came at a time when I was feeling especially hard on myself, wondering if anything I did would ever make a difference. Wondering if I was good enough. Wondering if I would ever be courageous enough. Wondering what my purpose was and if I even had a purpose. Wondering what was the use of always doing the right thing if those you were trying to be an example to, always ran as far away in the opposite direction as they could. Wondering if anyone ever even saw me, saw my heart, would remember me; or was I just as invisible as I so often felt?
As I sat next to, and visited with, this amazing person we started talking about summer plans and how school was going for my former student, now in Middle School (where did the time go?!?). She told me of some troubles her son was having and I expressed my disbelief at how cruel kids could be, especially to such a loving boy as her son. I told how I always felt he was filled with love even from Kindergarten, I always felt his love, even for me. She brought tears to my eyes when she told of her and his weekly ritual to help make it through the anticipated tough week ahead at school. As her son would express anxiety of having to go back to school she told him, during his Sunday night prayers, to think of five people in his life who loved him to remind him that although there are those who were hateful toward him, there are always people who care about you and love you and want the best for you. She went on to say that I, even after all these years, had often made it onto her son's list of 5. She turned to me with tears in her eyes, as I wiped at the tears in my eyes, and with great intensity in her voice, looked me right in the eyes and said "Never underestimate your influence on the kids you work with! What you do makes a difference in all of their lives." This, after I had just been thinking I was utterly invisible, having no visible purpose, not really making a difference or even mattering; that the example I tried to show of values and honesty and morals apparently didn't show. That's when I knew she was filled with God's love and He talked to her and had asked her to let me know something He wanted me to know. Me. Insignificant me had gotten a message from God! It was an eye opening experience in more than one way.
It's very hard to find people like that in today's world. I had given up on humanity a little, I think. I had built walls against trusting people, because it seemed like you couldn't trust anyone without them one day turning on you and tearing you down with the very things they had once used to build you up. But when she turned and talked to me with such intensity it was like some wall suddenly crumbled and allowed me to see the light shining so brightly within her, and I recognized that light, the bright shining light of God's love. Something I foolishly thought couldn't exist in normal places.
That wasn't the only soul baring talk we had that night either. As we talked about religion and the intolerance some people had toward certain ones she told me of a story that had happened between her and another teacher at our school who had ignorantly accosted her beliefs and how my new Hero Friend had stood up for her beliefs with her head held high, putting the other teacher in her place with firmness and grace.
I don't know if our talk affected her the same way if affected me, probably not..., but I knew some things that night because of running into her. I knew I could trust her and she would never use anything I told her against me because she was filled with God's light and love. I knew everyone has a purpose and as I drove home that night it came to my understanding that if you are doing your best and doing what you love you are fulfilling your purpose. You may never see or even know what your purpose was. It isn't for you to see sometimes, because your purpose is usually worked in the life of someone you met or interacted with; not in your own life. You never know how the ripples you send out into the world affect the world, you just have to have faith that it does, even if you don't know exactly what you did, you did something just because you were living life to the best of your ability to influence the world in a (hopefully) positive way.
I am now blessed to call this former acquaintance a friend of mine. I feel lucky to sit by her in church and bask in and soak up the light she naturally emanates. I am honored to learn from her vast knowledge of The Savior and the scriptures; all through her personal relationship with Him. I am in awe of her example of steadfastness in faith and courage, her diligence and strength to tackle any task head on, whether daunting or not. I am strengthened by her sharing of testimonies and lessons learned and by her example of someone who isn't afraid to let her faith show. She has had so many experiences of defending her faith that I am just floored at how she courageously always chooses the right way to stand up for God and then to teach others in a loving and graceful, but firm manner.
I hope to someday grow to be even half as good, strong and courageous as she is! This song sums it up:
Each Life that Touches Ours For Good
LDS Hymn 293
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