I've somehow often become the target for so called "mean people." I've come to the conclusion that if you look sweet and seem nice then you are fair game-- because those being mean to you do not think you will stick up for yourself! And it's no wonder, that is usually exactly how it happens...until it doesn't.
I remember the turning point in my own life. I was in High School. On the school bus there was a mean little girl, and I do mean little girl. She was probably only about 10 years old, was named Marie, and would sit behind me and whisper mean things about me to the other girls in her seat. Now this really hurt, but only because the girls in her seat were little girls that lived down the road from me; my mom had been their preschool teacher and I felt they respected me and my family. How could they listen and laugh with this mean little girl about me? They didn't know how to stick up for themselves or stand up for what is right... So this went on for a while, I even stooped so low as to tell her to "shut-up" before I devised a better plan!
The next morning Marie got on the bus. "Good morning, Marie! How are you today?" I said with a big friendly smile. No response...
As she got off the bus to go to school I said, "Bye Marie, Have a great day at school!" Again, no response.
After school, she had already gotten on the bus before me but before I took my seat I looked her in the eyes with a smile and said"Hi Marie! So good to see you again!" And I sat down, got out my book and began reading.
I did this only for one or two more days before IT happened.
After getting on the bus after school on this day, I said my greeting to Marie and sat down in my seat. As I was pulling out my book I saw Marie was looking at me, wanting to say something so I looked at her.
"Why are you being so nice to me!?!" She said. She knew she didn't deserve any kindness whatsoever from me, and because she was a child her innocence let her guard down enough for me to see through her. I answered her.
"Because I like you, Marie." Again with a smile.
I remember this because it was remarkable. Marie wasn't nice to me after that but she was no longer mean either. She stopped talking about me, stopped making faces at me. Just stopped.
I had killed her "meanness" with kindness!
I've used this technique numerous times since then with the same results.
The boy who made fun of my weight (a friend from elementary school, I might add) who one day dropped his giant wad of money right in front of me and I immediately called out to him: "Brian!" and pointed to his money. He looked at me, thanked me, and never said a mean thing about me again.
Another boy who wasn't nice to me in Art class, who I ignored until the day I told him his art was really good! Never again was he "mean".
The co-workers who took it upon themselves to tell me all the things I did wrong...well I added to the technique for that one... ;) Firmly looked them in the eye, used a stern voice to tell them how and why they were mistaken...but ended with a smile...always that darned smile...
Lesson Learned:
There will always be someone ready to tear you down just to make themselves feel better than you. They've chosen you as the target because they perceive you as someone who will let them. Don't let them! Stick up for yourself with dignity, calmness and yes! even a smile but let them know in no uncertain terms that you will not be treated in any way you do not deserve. Don't resort to the same tactics because as a very dear friend reminded me of recently is the fact that whatever you put out there into the world is what you always get back. Wouldn't you much rather get forgiveness and kindness back?
Besides, who knows, maybe your kindness will be the one that kills someone's "meanness."
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